MBATricks

Tips and Tricks about my MBA experience

  • BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

 

  • JOHN McCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

 

  • HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure — right from Day One! — that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me…….

 

  • GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

 

  • KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

 

  • PLATO: For the greater good of man.

 

  • ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

 

  • KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

 

  • TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that’s the only trip the establishment would let it take.

 

  • SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quit justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

 

  • RONALD REAGAN: I forget.

 

  • CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

 

  • HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its
    pancreas.

 

  • ACCENTURE: Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using  the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Accenture convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and
    uccessfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes.The meeting was held in park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business.

 

  • LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken ‘crossed’ the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

 

  • MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

 

  • MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

 

  • FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

 

  • RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

 

  • MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

 

  • JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

 

  • FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

 

  • BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

 

  • OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

 

  • CHARLES DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

 

  • ALBERT EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

 

  • BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

 

  • RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road .. it transcended it.

 

  • ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

 

  • COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

 

  • BILL CLINTON : I did not, and I repeat, did not have sexual relations with that chicken.

 

  • PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hard working American.

 

  • L.A. POLICE DEPARTMENT: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we’ll find out.

 

  • DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!

 

  • GRANDPA: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

 

  • BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. However, I did ask Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New York

 

  • PHYSICIST: Because the chicken’s momentum had a positive component towards the other side of the road.

 

  • QUANTUM PHYSICIST: Because you measured its momentum too precisely.

 

  • MATHEMATICIAN: Because of the intermediate values theorem.

 

  • ALGEBRAIC GEOMETRIST: Well, consider a faithfully flat etale coherent sheaf…

 

  • C PROGRAMMER: cross_road() was called from get_other_side()

  • C++ PROGRAMMER: chicken->CrossRoad() was called from chicken >GetOtherSide()

  • RMS: The licenses for most roads are designed to take away your chicken’s freedom to cross it. By contrast, the GALLUS Road Public Licence…

 

  • GARY LARSON: “THE OTHER SIDE – Why do you need a reason?”

 

  • ENS STUDENT: Contretest.

 

  • OMAR KHAYYÁM:

I sent my Chicken across the Road, 

Some Letter of that Other-side to download: 
And by and by my Chicken return’d to me,
And answer’d “I Myself am Princess and Toad:”

 

  • MARKETING DIVISION OF MICROSOFT CORPORATION: Where does your chicken want to go today?

 

  • MARVIN: The other side is just as dull as this one. Don’t talk to me about chickens.

 

  • ARTHUR DENT: Why did the chicken cross the road? 42? No, that doesn’t make sense.

 

  • GOETHE: Es irrt das Huhn, solang es die Straße übergeht.

 

  • HARI SELDON: It’s part of the Plan.

 

  • HAMLET:
    To cross, or not to cross, that is the question: –
    Whether ’tis nobler in the mind, to suffer
    The slings and arrows of outrageous side;
    Or to take arms against a road of troubles,
    And by crossing end them?

 

  • THERMODYNAMIST: Because the pressure of chickens was greater on this side of the road, and the chicken’s crossing made the entropy greater.

 

  • Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

 

  • B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

 

  • Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

 

  • Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

 

  • Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

 

  • Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.

 

  • Salvador Dali: The Fish.

 

  • Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

 

  • Epicurus: For fun.

 

  • Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

 

  • David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

 

  • Jack Nicholson: ‘Cause it (censored) wanted to. That’s the (censored) reason.

 

  • Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

 

  • John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

 

  • Mr. T: If you saw me coming you’d cross the road too!

 

  • Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately … and suck all the marrow out of life.

 

  • Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

 

  • Molly Yard: It was a hen!

 

  • Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

 

  • The Godfather: I didn’t want its mother to see it like that.

 

  • Keats: Philosophy will clip a chicken’s wings.

 

  • Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.

 

  • Othello: Jealousy.

 

  • Dr Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.

 

  • Mrs Thatcher: This chicken’s not for turning.

 

  • Mrs Thatcher: There was no alternative.

 

  • Supreme Soviet: There has never been a chicken in this photograph.

 

  • Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One’s social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience – although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.

 

  • Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.

 

  • Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o’er.

 

  • Whitehead: Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of misplaced concreteness.

 

  • Donne: It crosseth for thee.

 

  • Pope: It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.

 

  • Constable: To get a better view.

 

  • Roseanne Barr:  Urrrrrp. What chicken?

 

  • Roland Barthes:  The chicken wanted to expose the myth of the road. 
 
  • Wolfgang von Beethoven:  What? Speak up.
 
  • Bill the Cat:  Oop Ack. Ppthpt.

 

  • Caesar:  To come, to see, to conquer.

 

  • Candide:  To cultivate its garden.

 

  • Joseph Conrad:  Mistah Chicken, he dead.

 

  • Thomas Dequincy:  Because it ran out of opium.

 

  • Rene Descartes:  It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.

 

  • Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?

 

  • Paul Erdos:  It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle.

 

  • Basil Fawlty:  Oh, don’t mind that chicken. It’s from Barcelona.

 

  • Pierre de Fermat: I just don’t have room here to give the full explanation.

 

  • Gerald R. Ford:  It probably fell from an airplane and couldn’t stop its forward momentum.
 
  • Michel Foucault:  It did so because the dicourse of crossing the road left it no choice; the police state was oppressing it.
 
  • Sigmund Freud:  The chicken was obviously female and obviously interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich.

 

  • Robert Frost:  To cross the road less traveled by.
 
  • Zsa Zsa Gabor: It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which, thank goodness,  are good, dahling.
 
  • Gilligan:  The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail, the chicken would be lost. The chicken would be lost!

 

  • Werner Heisenberg:  We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

 

  • Lee Iacocca:  It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road.

 

 

  • John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!

 

  • James Joyce: Once upon a time, a nicens little chicken named baby tuckoo crossed the road and met a moocow coming down…

 

  • Emmanuel Kant: Because it was a duty.

 

  • Jacques Lacan: Because of its desire for object a.

 

  • H. P. Lovecraft: To escape the eldritch, cthonic, rugose, polypous, indescribably horrible abomination not from our space-time continuum.
 
  • Paul de Man: The chicken did not really cross the road because one side and the other are not really opposites in the first place.
 
  • Paul de Man (uncovered after his death): So no one would find out it wrote for a collaborationist Belgian newspaper during the early years of World War II.
 
  • Groucho Marx:  Chicken? What’s all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

 

  • Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.

 

  • Alfred E. Neumann:  What? Me worry?

 

  • Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

 

  • Jack Nicholson: ‘Cause it (censored) wanted to. That’s the (censored) reason.

 

  • J. Danforth Quayle: Ite sawe ae potatoee.
 
  • William Shakespeare: I don’t know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.

 

  • Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?

 

  • Socrates: To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.

 

  • George Washington: Actually, it crossed the Delaware with me back in 1776. But most history books don’t reveal that I bunked with a birdie during the duration.

 

  • Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.

 

  • Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.

 

  • Ralph Nader: The chicken’s habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

 

  • Voltaire: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.
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